Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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