I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
