I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
