im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
