The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
