It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
