Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
