if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
