I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
no you cant smoke seaweed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
