he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
