So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
