Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
