fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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