Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
