Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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