omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The feeling are messing with the penis
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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