There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
