we have officially lost it.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
