I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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