Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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