I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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