i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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