let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
