just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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