I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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