I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
