Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
