Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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