I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
