Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
