I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
