if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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