And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
