When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
