it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
