Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
