I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
