Well apparently he's into motor boating.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
