I have demons in me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
