She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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