is your mom at the bar?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Drunk is not a location!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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