Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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