all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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