I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
