I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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