her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
