i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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