I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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