turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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