i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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