He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
