She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
