My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
