Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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