Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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