I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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