; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
