sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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