the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
