I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
