I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
