was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
